and i'm back!

Hey blog, we meet again. I haven't blogged for like forever. Well, that's because my rants about life are in twitter now because it's easier to access for quick bashing and ranting. It's not my personal account though, i just made an account for bashing that i don't want others to know about. Anyway, writing these reasons have no sense at all, it's not like i have a follower here or something to feel sorry for. I'm merely talking to myself yes? :)


So why am i here, again? Oh right, i have some realizations in life. (Maybe not realization, just something to rant about) so here we go. :))


Well, i have a boyfriend, we've been together for YEARS now but..

#1. he never seemed to be proud of me, as in ever. I can feel that he don't want others to know about us. (It makes me feel insecure)

#2. he have this incredible temper that everything i do seems to pushes his hot button.

I really don't know how to react about it. I don't want to be demanding and shallow but it makes me feel so small everytime.
Hey, i'm not the prettiest girl in the world you'll ever see, but i look decent enough! I put an effort in caring for myself physically. I may not be on the top of the class but i am better than the other students, i'm not stupid! I may not be an elite socialite, but hey i'm not as poor as a rat. I'm just an ordinary girl, not a trophy girlfriend. Maybe that's what he feels about it, i'm not a trophy gf so why bother show everyone in facebook and twitter that he's in a relationship with me for years? Well, that's how i feel about it.

Let's talk about #2 then, i'm not someone you would consider to be a hard-to-handle-girlfriend. I am someone who can be as boring as he wants me to be, no social life just a home buddy. I do that just to make him feel at ease that i'm not cheating with anyone else. If I ever decided to go out i wouldn't bother telling him because that's war. I'm in a cage, to sum it all up.

The realization that i am talking about is that:
#1 i'm stupid
#2 i need him to stop doing those things to me
#3 i can't do it
#4 i feel sorry for myself (and i hate that feeling)

I know no one will ever read this blogpost but if it happens that someone will ever read this, give me your thoughts.